Jacob's Remedy For Bitterness Towards Your Father
Genesis 28
His father never loved him, and he lost it all — but Jacob never gave way to bitterness.
What if God himself said you were the chosen son, called you upright, but your father still preferred your brother? What would you do if your own dad gave what God said was yours to your wicked brother? What would you do if your lazy brother lived like a prince on your father’s time, but your father wouldn’t lift a finger to help you — even though that very same brother wanted to kill you?
Isaac: A Great Man Who Went Badly Astray
Let’s recap first. In Genesis 28, Jacob and Esau’s father — the vastly wealthy and powerful Isaac — threw Jacob out in the cold, the son whom God loved so dearly. Isaac burdened his son Jacob with the task of getting from Beersheba to Haran, a 651-mile journey, alone, with no help at all. He didn’t seem to care if his own flesh and blood lived or died.
And yet it should never have been that way. Isaac was the best of men. He had a great father, Abraham, the father of the faithful. He learned God’s ways at Abraham’s knees and saw Abraham’s faith in action for decades. When Rebekah, his wife-to-be, saw Isaac for the very first time, he was meditating on Scripture out in the field. He had a genuine relationship with the Lord. When his wife couldn’t conceive, he prayed faithfully for 20 years before the Lord answered and the twins were born.
Isaac was no Sunday Christian. He walked with the Lord. God himself appeared to Isaac twice, blessed him, and instructed him where to settle during a time of famine. And Isaac’s name is forever joined with the name of God: I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob (Exodus 3:6). In his youth, he became a type of Christ, offering himself to be bound to the altar as a sacrificial offering on Mount Moriah.
But Isaac, who was so upright for so long, went radically crooked after his sons were born. See episode 4 for the full story. He consistently favoured the Ishmael in his own house — Esau — only because his game filled Isaac’s belly. He dismissed God’s word to Rebekah that the elder would serve the younger. He loved his evil, reprobate son, even though Esau despised his birthright and sold it for stew and a piece of bread. Even though Esau married two evil Hittite women, tormenting Isaac and Rebekah with fertility cult ways — still Isaac loved Esau and longed to bless him.
Worst of all: godly Isaac, spiritual Isaac, knew what God wanted — and yet schemed in secret to make the younger serve the older. We can only take the data of Scripture and say that Isaac was an exceptional believer who went very badly astray. We can marvel at this and take comfort at God’s patience and mercy with his straying ones.
Jacob’s Point of View
Now consider all this from Jacob’s point of view.
From his earliest days, Jacob knew from his loving mother that the right of the firstborn was his. He knew all the stories of his father’s piety towards Abraham — that Isaac had offered up his life on Mount Moriah, had meditated on God’s word, had prayed faithfully for decades. He knew that God appeared to his father twice.
But Jacob had to hold all this in his mind and try to reconcile it with the fact that his father never loved him. Not one ounce of support did Jacob ever receive from his father. It must have been confusing, hurtful — a constant stone in Jacob’s shoe.
Jacob also knew himself. Genesis 25:27 says in the Hebrew that Jacob was an ishtam — an upright man, without blemish, undefiled, godly. He was always dutifully labouring in the family business. He did the godly thing and contended with his evil brother Esau for the birthright and secured it fair and square.
How it must have stung, then, when his own father tried to snatch the birthright from him — the birthright that was Jacob’s by God’s own prophecy to Rebekah:
Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels, and the one people shall be stronger than the other people, and the elder shall serve the younger. — Genesis 25:23
Isaac schemed behind his wife’s back to give the birthright and preeminence to Esau instead.
Where was his father’s recognition for Jacob’s constant toil, day in and day out? The pat on the back. The look of approval in his father’s eyes. Esau got all that from his father and more — without the toil and sacrifice of Jacob. How often would Jacob have seen his father’s face light up when Esau came in from the hunt? How many times did he hear them feasting together? The truth was unavoidable: Isaac loved Esau, not Jacob.
Seventy-One Years
By the time Jacob secured the legal right to his inheritance through his father’s blessing, he was seventy-one years old. Isaac himself was a hundred and thirty-one when he blessed his son, and sixty years old when the twins were born. One hundred and thirty-one minus sixty is seventy-one. Jacob had served his father faithfully for six decades and had nothing to show for it.
Jacob was clearly a very skilled worker. He had seventy years of learning the trade under his belt. He knew the business up and down. But he left with only a staff in his hand. With each step on the road towards Haran, his wealth was one step further away — the wealth that was rightfully his.
Seventy years of service, day and night, for a farmer has no holidays. Seventy-one years of playing second fiddle to a lazy brother. Seventy-one years of coldness and unconcern from his father.
Esau already had two wives. Jacob had none, and no prospect of one either. What a contrast with his father’s experience. Abraham made sure Isaac secured a godly wife — he sent his top man with a camel train laden with riches all the way to Haran. But this desolate shepherd on the road to Laban’s house was thirty-one years older than Isaac was when he married.
Rebekah’s Plan — and Isaac’s Excuse
Rebekah knew Esau was deadly serious about killing Jacob. Consider Isaac’s blessing of Esau in Genesis 27:40: By your sword you shall live. Isaac had prophesied that Esau would kill for a living. And only Jacob stood between him and Isaac’s vast fortune.
Rebekah told Jacob: Arise, flee to my brother Laban in Haran, and stay with him a few days, until your brother’s fury turns away. But I think she knew better than that, and was willing to say goodbye to her beloved son forever rather than see him die. That’s a mother’s love.
Why? Because she told her husband a different story altogether:
I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth. If Jacob takes a wife of the daughters of Heth, like those who are the daughters of the land, what good will my life be to me? — Genesis 27:46
No mention of Esau’s plot to kill Jacob. Had she become forgetful in her old age? No — throughout the chapter, she’s as sharp as a tack. A wife knows her husband. Telling Isaac that Esau was going to kill Jacob wouldn’t have had the desired effect. Isaac had gorged himself on Esau’s deceitful dishes for so long that he had become blind to Esau’s evil character. You couldn’t appeal to Isaac’s conscience. You had to appeal to his appetites.
Another annoying foreign daughter-in-law — that Isaac didn’t want the hassle of. And the dying Isaac springs immediately into action:
Then Isaac called Jacob and blessed him, and charged him, and said to him, You shall not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan. Arise, go to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel your mother’s father, and take yourself a wife from there of the daughters of Laban your mother’s brother. May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you. — Genesis 28:1–3
But why? To protect his son? No — Isaac wasn’t aware of Esau’s threats. No one had told him. He simply wanted an easy life — no more annoying foreign wives, and he wouldn’t have to deal with Esau whining about Jacob’s inheritance. There is no repentance here from Isaac.
Isaac’s Parting Cruelty
Genesis 32:10 records the words of the returning Jacob: With my staff I crossed this Jordan. Nothing more than a staff and the shirt on his back.
In Genesis 24, Abraham’s most experienced servant was sent along the same route to secure a bride for Isaac — with ten camels laden with gold, silver, and precious garments. But Isaac, who was richer than his father ever was, sends no camels, no servants, no gold or silver. Only words: Go in peace, be warmed and filled.
Isaac treated his son worse than a slave. Hebrew bondservants, after six years of service, were to be sent away with plenty (Deuteronomy 15). But Jacob had served Isaac for sixty-plus years. And what did Isaac give Jacob? Not one piece of gold. Not one single man to protect his own flesh and blood on the perilous 651-mile journey to Laban’s house. The cords of love and affection that bind even master to slave were absent in Isaac. A cold disregard was all that Isaac had for Jacob.
How Did Jacob Keep Going?
How does a man stand up to the constant grind of work with no affection from his father? How did he avoid being consumed by bitterness?
Jacob is always found obeying his mother and his father. Even when his father tells him to get married with nothing but a staff in his hand, he obeyed. According to Genesis 28:7, even Esau couldn’t deny that Jacob was an obedient son.
But how did Jacob accomplish this obedience without ever once complaining or talking back to his father? The answer lies with God himself.
Jacob had a guarantee from God that he would inherit. The older would serve the younger. Like Mark 11:24 says of prayer, Jacob believed that he had received it — and it was his. He believed the promise of God’s blessing and possessed it by faith.
Jacob also knew the terms of the covenant. God had said to Abraham in Genesis 17:1–2: I am God Almighty, walk before me and be blameless, that I may make my covenant between me and you. Before Abraham received the benefits, he had to fulfil the conditions. This is exactly what motivated Jacob’s uncomplaining obedience.
Jacob plodded along for 71 years serving his unloving father faithfully because he knew that only the faithful and obedient can inherit God’s blessing. Jacob knew that murmuring and complaining were sin. His desire to take possession of the promised blessing was so fervent that even the abiding coldness of his father could not cool it. Jacob would trust and obey the Lord — and take delivery of the long-promised blessing.
Is There an Isaac in Your Life?
Do you face an Isaac of your own? Perhaps it’s your father who has never — and will never — love you and give you the approval you so desperately want from him. Or maybe it’s not your biological father, but your father in the faith. He has been a good and godly man for so long. But like Isaac, he’s now wilfully blind to the obvious evils in the world. He favours the reprobate and hinders the godly. He only wants his belly filled with his pension. So what if the church isn’t salt and light in the culture? Jesus is coming back soon. God will sort it out.
Does your Isaac bless you with words but never give you what you need to move forward in life? Isaacs cling to tradition and may mouth the words of Scripture — be warmed and filled — but do not give those things which are needed. The key doctrine is withheld. Are you still waiting for your Isaac to change? Are you expecting him to wake up from his comfort-induced slumber? If he’s an Isaac, he’ll never wake up.
You must follow Jacob’s lead and walk the long road of trust in God’s promises. Jacob never once spoke ill of his father. On his deathbed he honours the man who was the author of his lifelong woes: the God before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac walked (Genesis 48:15).
Be like Jacob. Never give way to bitterness. Don’t whine. Don’t reel. Forget the passive-aggressive backtalk. Lay hold of God’s promises. Walk obediently with God. Fulfil your daily duties as Jacob did, believing always in God’s promise that the righteous shall inherit the earth.
If you do this, you too can realise the unique blessing God has reserved for you — in God’s time. In spite of all the Isaacs in your life, in positions of power and authority. In spite of any and all setbacks you may face.
If you have any questions, you can email me at questions@godsworldgodsway.com. See you next week.